Let me tell you about the final days of my wife’s pregnancy.
We’ve made it through 38 long weeks, and they tell us it can happen any time now. It’s like I’m an inmate on Baby Row, and there’s no chance the governor will call to commute my sentence. I have nothing to do now but sit and wait for the inevitable.
Over the past few weeks we’ve been making all the necessary preparations for our new roommate. I’ve been putting the finishing touches on the nursery, while my wife’s been putting together our Hospital Supply Kit, which is comprised of a suitcase filled with clothing and toiletries, a backpack filled with various games and reading materials, and a small cooler to be packed with ice chips and energy drinks. All of these have been strategically placed in the living room where they can be picked up and loaded into the car in a minute’s notice. It’s kind of like we’re packing for vacation, only this time we’ll be bringing back a brand-new human being instead of a box of saltwater taffy.
Over the past several weeks, we’ve also been attending a weekly labor-and-delivery class so that we’ll know what to expect when the time comes. This is where I got to see my first childbirth video. If you’ve never had the pleasure, lucky you. The hardest part was sitting there with the teacher and the other couples, while I pretended like what I was watching was no big deal. On the outside I’m watching “Bambi”; on the inside I’m watching “Aliens.” In 3D. Fortunately, it was a baby that emerged from the pregnant woman and not some bloodthirsty space creature with razor-sharp teeth.
Throughout this time of preparation, my wife and I have been gathering dozens of baby-related gifts from our friends and relatives. Our house is now an obstacle course of car seats, bassinets, diapers, baby toys, baby clothes, and other random piles of infant-related, Chinese-made, hopefully-not-lead-based painted items. Right now, as I’m sitting in my office, I’m looking at a Diaper Champ, a Bumbo (whatever the heck that is) and a portable stroller called an “umbrella chair,” which, strangely enough, provides no protection from the rain. Right before my eyes, my office is slowly morphing into a Babies “R” Us.
Soon, I’ll be a dad. Hopefully, after this life-changing experience, I’ll still manage to hang onto my dry wit and sarcasm, but I’m not making any promises. I’m told that a new baby “changes everything.” And from the looks of my office, I’m starting to believe it.
Let’s just hope I don’t confuse my paper shredder for the diaper can. That would be ugly.
Valentine Brkich is a freelance writer (valthewriter.com) specializing in marketing content. He also works as a self-publishing consultant. The father of two young children, Val writes about his parenting misadventures in small-town America in his blog, smalltowndad.com. His latest ebook is "Achieving Mediocrity: Surefire Strategies for a Lackluster Life."
