Me-Time Makes a Better Mom (and Dad)

Remember when you could sleep in on the weekends or take in a movie on a whim? Babies are amazing in their ability to bring about change. When we welcome a little one into the family, every aspect of our lives is affected. From feedings to diaper changes, sleep (or the lack of it) and play, finding time for yourself and your couple-hood is a real challenge—and it’s one well worth taking on! Securing some time away from your bundle of joy should be considered an essential part of the parenting routine. 

• Ah, The Good Old Days: Missing the freedom your pre-parent status gave you is perfectly normal. For your entire life up until baby came, you were probably used to living in a particular way and making decisions based on what worked best for you and your partner. Adjusting to the new reality can be quite a shock to the system, and it takes time. You may find yourself feeling angry or resentful once in a while. Who wouldn’t? These feelings are to be expected, and they are no reflection of the deep love you have for your child. Consider sharing some of these feelings with someone you trust and with whom you do not feel judged. Or write them down in a journal. Expressing how you feel can be very therapeutic and may help lessen the burden of those especially hard days (and nights).

• Once We Were Two: Taking a break from childcare will also strengthen your relationship with your partner. While it may be hard to remember, there were a host of activities you and your co-parent shared when it was just the two of you. Tending to your relationship will help maintain, or perhaps restore, the connection you have to each other. Preserving the bond between the two of you is a benefit to the both of you and to your child.

• Finding the Balance For Baby and Me: While you no longer have the same ability to come and go as you please, learning to make time for some of the activities you once enjoyed will make the tasks of parenting far more manageable and pleasurable. Time away from being with baby offers an emotional boost during an otherwise stressful time and can make you feel more energized and focused when it’s time to get back into it.

Wondering how to make it happen? Here are seven super tips for making a little “me-time” a reality.

1. Call in the troops! Parenting is a 24/7 job. While you may be the captain, it definitely requires a team effort. Secure a trusted, reliable babysitter or mother’s helper to be available at the same day and time each week. For example, arrange to have your sitter come every Tuesday morning from 9 a.m. to noon. During this time, you can sign up for a weekly art program, or go to the gym for your favorite Yoga class. Of course, your sitter may help you out on additional days and times as well. Having regular childcare will give you the chance to be a part of an activity that is fun for you, and one to which you can look forward.
2. Tag Team With Your Partner: The two of you can help each other out by agreeing to provide coverage for a couple of hours over the weekend, or on a weeknight evening. Saturday mornings might be one parent’s morning off for sleeping in, while Sunday afternoon could be reserved for the other partner to play tennis. Chances are, partnering up to give each other a break will make you more appreciative of the other person.
3. It’s a Date! The idea of a “date night” for new parents is almost cliché, but it’s worth including on the list because it really works. At least once a month, book your sitter so that you and your partner can take some much needed time away, together. Be creative! Instead of dinner and a movie, take a ballroom dance class together or go to a spa for a couples’ massage.
4. Make Your Own Break: Sometimes the babysitter can’t make it, or your partner is working late. As parents, there are days when you know you just won’t get the time off. On these occasions, it is so important to learn to “make your own break.” Place your baby in a safe place—the crib, or a pack ’n play for example. Go into another room and put the monitor on low. Close your eyes. Think of one of your favorite places, perhaps a vacation spot on the beach or the ski slopes. Take a deep breath in through your nose, making sure your belly expands. Hold the breath for a moment, then release slowly to a count of “ten.” Repeat two or three times. Even though we may not be able to take time away, we can always take a few moments to come back to ourselves. Sometimes, this is just the “mini-escape” we need.
5. Work It Out at the Gym: Many gyms offer complimentary babysitting while you take a spin or bootcamp class, or use the facilities. While you’re working out, your baby can play! You not only get a little break from parenting duties, but you get the bonus of an endorphin rush (the feel-good chemicals in the brain that are triggered when we exercise). When class is over, you’ll be refreshed and ready for baby play.
6. Make a Mommy Play Date: Connecting with other mothers can go a long way to making us feel up to the challenge of mothering. Set up a play date with a mom whose company you enjoy. Or, if the children are old enough, schedule a drop-off play date so you can take some time for yourself. Make sure that you offer to host the next time.
7. The Bed-Time Ritual: You probably have a routine for putting your little one to bed. (Whether (s)he sleeps through the night is another story.) Consider creating a bedtime ritual for yourself, too. After baby is tucked in, make a cup of tea or hot cocoa, curl up on the couch and give yourself ten minutes of quiet time. Turn off your phone, close your laptop and just unplug for a little while. Your voicemails and emails will still be there waiting for you—promise!

Making time for each other and for yourself after bringing a baby into the family is not easy, but the rewards are well worth the effort. No other job requires the level of commitment and dedication in the way that good parenting does. Happier parents make for happier babies, and that means taking care of yourselves, too.

Dayna M. Kurtz, LMSW, CPT is a Postpartum Specialist in private practice in Manhattan. A licensed social worker and certified personal trainer, she provides comprehensive support services for women transitioning to motherhood. Learn more at www.daynamkurtz.com.