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Taking the Journey Together

How Dads Can Help During Labor

By Andy Malinski November 28, 2014
Long gone are the days of awaiting Junior’s arrival with a box of cigars in the waiting room of the hospital. Long gone, as well, are the days of dad simply pacing the floor apart from mom, who is delivering the baby alone with a doctor who sits at the bed’s edge, covered and hidden as if the baby would be delivered by the Great and Powerful Oz, himself!

Fact is, moms welcome the familiarity of their husband or partner sitting close by, holding hands, cheering through contractions, rubbing their back and pushing on their hips. As many hospitals provide large tubs for easing labor, he can fill the tub with water. He can read her favorite poetry. He can hum melodically (and then aggressively) through each contraction. He can encourage and empower.

Most importantly, he can be there. He can show love, interest, and feel honored to be a witness to her triumph. He can express pride and humbleness that they have come this far together and have so much further to travel side-by-side.

Our first birth — a hospital birth — found us walking hand-in-hand throughout the day to increase dilation and move our daughter into the birthing position. We listened to music and played games. I blew up the Yoga ball we’d planned to use during birth. But when things took a turn far against what our birth plan had hoped, and hopes for a natural birth turned into an unplanned C-section, I dried disappointed tears; helped calm nerves, anxiety, and panic from the unexpected turn of events; and helped her sign documents with her necessary, but exhausted, shaky signature. When it was our turn to be behind the blue curtain, I held her hand and told her when our daughter had gone from womb to world. As she could not move to see, I remarked how her 2-D face from the ultrasound was now 3-D and beautiful. I snapped photos furiously, making my way to where she was cleaned off, cord cut, and swaddled, documenting every step for my immobile wife. I even took a photo of her placenta, just in case she was curious. I became her roaming eyes during the event. I felt it necessary to show her, and be able to tell her, all of what was taking place — for if it weren’t for my eyes and ears, she would know nothing of what was happening all around her.

Our son’s homebirth placed me in a much different situation. I pushed on her hips at our bedside to help him move into position. I lit candles. I played calm music. (I created the playlist based on her suggestions). I helped our midwife and doula warm water for the birthing tub. I helped gather necessary supplies throughout. When my wife moved from bed to birthing tub, I helped guide her steps. I marveled at her strength and determination, and congratulated her on the VBAC she was determined to achieve. When my son finally arrived, I reached into the water and caught him, placing him skin-to-skin, just as I’d learned, with his mom.

Dads — partners in general — are integral to the birthing event. Even beforehand, take photos of her “belly evolution,” or set up a date night and go all “maternity boudoir”! Visit the doctor, ask questions, and learn all you can. Be there. Support. Guide. And, most of all, love. Love is critical as she faces the monumental task before her. To know she is loved and supported will guide her through just as powerfully as anything else.

Andy Malinski is a dad and a self-proclaimed writer. He graduated from Northern Arizona University in 2002 with a BSEd in English but is not a teacher nor a published author. However, he has been writing poetry and short fiction since he was in grade school and, after the birth experience with his son, became passionate about sharing the birth experience with others. He and his wife chose to use a midwife, a doula, and a home water birth for their son, and the experience was life-changing. He is humbled and honored to work with Doula Spot to inform dads and moms about the journey from non-kiddo-hood to parenthood-in-all-its-crazy-glory.

Doula Spot is an online community that connects new and expectant parents to childbirth professionals. Like your own doula, we are here to nurture and provide education throughout your journey. Whether you are seeking guidance, connection, a qualified doula or lactation support, we honor your unique situation. With Doula Spot, you can experience these transitions feeling empowered and supported, all through our easy-to-use online platform.